Doubt your own doubts : Reflections on blogging insecurities
Reflecting on the legitimacy of taking space online as a writer
Some of you may have noticed that I took an unannounced month-long sabbatical from Substack. It was unexpected. I have been riddled with intense doubts about my place online. An artistic crisis if you will. Here’s what I learned in the process.
It started subtly with one of Tiago Forte’s videos. As you may know, the last step in his CODE framework of knowledge management is Express. And in his recent video, he was inciting his viewers to stop just consuming content, but to start creating some themselves. Here’s what I wrote, and his reply :
Solving information overload with MORE content? How could that work?
Scared of being part of the problem, I just shut up.
For a month.
This whole existential, artistic crisis is not a struggle with creativity, or with inspiration, my ideas kept flowing even while I stepped away.
I struggle with the egotistical concept of influencer as a new social role. I cringe when I see people posting on social media the minute they do something interesting, or eat something different. Why do we need to expose ourselves to the world in this way?
Going on a trip, everyone needs to know! New haircut? Selfie! (Did you know that in French it’s called an ego-portrait? How revealing!) And we count our likes, our followers, our stats, our growth. Why is it so important?
So I questioned my motivations for writing this Substack. Was I acting from a place of ego? Did I write for stats, or because I genuinely care about sharing my interests?
Turns out, after a month of hiatus, I really enjoy sharing what I find on my curiosity binges. I miss it. A lot. And this space does not come from a desire to be liked, just from a place of sharing joy. Of being in service. I share because I care.
I did a lot of soul-searching during the month. I read and reread books like The War of Art by Pressfield, Show Your Work and Keep Going by Austin Kleon. I came across this quote by Seth Godin and it set things in motion :
We don’t need more noise, more variety, or more pitches. There’s noise all around us, but it’s often the idle chatter of people hiding in plain sight, or the selfish hustle of one more person who wants something from you. Our world is long on noise and short on meaningful connections and positive leadership. Your contribution—the one that you want to make, the one you were born to make—that’s what we’re waiting for, that’s what we need. -Seth Godin, The Practice
I kept thinking, amidst the doubts, that I have this talent for writing. All these ideas to share. Maybe I was being selfish to keep them to myself? Is it selfish to take up space, or to just shut up?
Here’s what Godin has to say :
Any idea withheld is an idea taken away. It’s selfish to hold back when there’s a chance you have something to offer. - Seth Godin, The Practice
I kept remembering what my readers had told me.
That sharing books I’ve read inspired them and fed their curiosity.
Joelleen saying that my Procrastination series has impacted her positively.
Or Louise reminding me that you, my dear readers, chose to subscribe to this virtual corner of the internet. You decided that you want to see me peek into your inbox every week. I am not forcing my words upon you.
You chose me, and that makes me legitimate as a writer.
During this month of self-reflection, I realized that everything I learned has been shared by someone. An artist. A writer. A YouTuber.
Every idea I encountered made me a better person, helped me grow.
The joy of my everyday life is reading books and blogs and learning stuff online. For these books to exist and these videos to upload, there's a creator somewhere who overcame his fear that his voice is useless, his ideas uninteresting, and who decided against it to show his work.
What if they had decided to remain silent?
Rereading The War of Art, I was reminded that every artist faces resistance. Was this it?
Liz Gilbert calls it fear, Brené Brown calls it the Gremlins in your head. Steven Pressfield says that every creative person will face this voice pestering them with excuses not to create their art.
I firmly believe that every person has the potential to be creative. I think the difference between being a commoner or an artist is facing your inner demons and creating either way.
In January I chose a theme for my year: developing my inner strength with heart and courage.
Being courageous in this case is to keep creating despite the fear, despite the doubts.
Doubting my own doubts and choosing not to believe in them.
My aim with sharing this piece is to be vulnerable and let you in into my inner creative struggles. Being a creator isn’t easy or smooth sailing all the time.
Maybe my meanderings through my own doubts might help you through yours. If you are a creator and sometimes worry that you don’t deserve your place in this space, I just want to say this: you are not alone.
But we need your art. We need your voice. We need your singular ideas. We need your authenticity and your splash of color.
And today I make it a commitment to keep sharing mine, despite the doubts.
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Thank you for sharing and being vulnerable! I have definitely struggled with the same doubts. But I think it's good to have the awareness about how we don't want to add to the noise. That awareness pushes us to be more selective about what we do and don't share. For my part, I'm glad you're still writing. 😊
Such a great piece - thank you for writing this and for being vulnerable. I think we all have these doubts from time to time, that the social media world we inhabit is noisy enough without us adding to it. But as you say, we all have our own unique voice - and the right people will find us and more importantly, will want to hear from us.