Silence as a way back to yourself
How to use silence as a tool for self-discovery
In my youth, I was always keeping busy, in company and frantically jumping from one thing to the next.
After a severe illness in 2010, I found myself unable to work for 3 years, spending enormous time alone, at home, for the first time in my life. Something shifted.
It was only in 2015 that I made sense of that shift.
The benefits of solitude
The event that propelled me into this time of illness and rest was highly traumatic.
It took me years to move on with my life and feel like a normal human being again. This extended period of time alone was highly instrumental in making sense of what happened, and showed me the way out, with the help of therapy.
In my quest towards normalcy, I discovered one tool that would forever change me, The Miracle Morning.
6 practices of personal development, before 8 AM
It was in 2014 that, listening to a podcast, I came across The Miracle Morning.
This powerful practice consists of 6 personal development practices you do first thing in the morning. Silence, Affirmations, Visualization, Exercises, Reading and Scribing (a fancy word for journaling). Silence is the one I was most uncomfortable with, but turned out to be the most powerful.
Silence can be just sitting with your thoughts, prayer, deep breathing, or guided or unguided meditation.
The appeal of a silent retreat
I found silence so powerful to quiet my excessively chatty mind, that I rapidly found myself dreaming of going on a silent retreat.
I researched monasteries where I would be welcomed, fed and sheltered for this first experience in extended silence. I found one near my mother’s house, booked a room for 4 days, and packed. What I would find there would forever change my life.
I am not going to lie, this first experience was wildly overwhelming.
Silence doesn’t exist
After a full day of complete silence, I experienced a full-blown panic attack.
Sensory deprivation has been proven to be overwhelming for the senses, and I could feel my whole being attuned to every single noise surrounding me. The birds singing outside, the wind in the trees, the bells of the chapel singing the hours. Everything was so noisy!
After the second night, I began to settle, and I experienced quite a mystic experience, that of oneness with all there is.
Silence and introspection become needs
After my profound experience of silence in 2015, I wanted to once more feel connected to the whole.
I began craving silence, more extended than my few minutes of meditation in the morning. I wanted to be alone with my thoughts, to make sense of my life after that tragic illness, and to discover who I was now. Silence became a refuge.
Every year since that first transformative retreat, I go in silence at every equinox, and sometimes a third time during the year.
If this sounds appealing, be prepared
Be prepared, not only with reading materials and activities to do, but also, be prepared to be transformed.
I find that what helps me get the most out of my retreats is to go with a specific goal in mind. I will often draft my life plan, bring course materials on a subject I want to learn, and bring several spiritual books to accompany me on my journey.
And each and every time I come back, I feel utterly transformed. My loved ones feel it too.
Different forms of retreats
There are several options if you want to take yourself on a retreat.
There are monasteries where you can rent a room with food and shelter. There are meditation retreats hosted by spiritual leaders where you will also get some guidance and counselling. Every faith offers opportunities for such retreats, and some are not faith-based.
My most potent retreats though were done either in a rented Airbnb or cabin where I am completely left alone. This option offers the most flexibility and can be done at any time.
Are you curious to try?
Most people I encounter say that they cannot sit for four days in complete silence.
To those, I say start small. Turn your phone on airplane mode for a quiet Sunday at home. Rent a beach house for a weekend. Four days can indeed be overwhelming if you are not used to silence.
My longest retreat to date was 9 full days, in the middle of the woods in a rented cabin. My experience was utterly mystical and profoundly transformed my sense of self. I would go back there any time.
I hope that this little glimpse into my spiritual practice can inspire you to try silence for yourself, even if it’s just 5 minutes in the morning.
I cannot stop to sing the praise of how the practice of silence has made me a more resilient, peaceful and truly happy person as a whole.
Will you give silence a try? Let me know in the comments below!