5 books to improve the quality of your relationships
Relationships are the cornerstones of our lives. These 5 books will help you find love and peace in your relationships
Ah, the day of loooove! 🥰
If you celebrate it, or loathe it, Valentine’s Day is supposed to nudge us to reflect on and express our love. It was not meant to lavishly spend on flowers and chocolate!
But what if your relationships are strained at the moment, or you don’t have that special someone in your life and you can’t seem to find, or keep one?
Today I’ve compiled 5 books that will help you find and nurture lasting and fulfilling relationships. They are great for couples, but I’ve applied their advice in every and all of my relationships and witnessed significant improvements in each one of them.
The 5 Love Languages
This one is a classic.
According to Gary Chapman, each of us speaks the language of love differently. And our needs vary as well. Knowing the love language that your significant other speaks will open your eyes to feeling loved in a different way. And understanding your loved ones love languages will allow you to express your love in a way that resonates with them. You will also be more equipped to express your needs and desires clearly and efficiently and by doing so improve your chance of them being met.
If you feel unappreciated in your relationship, the book will be a real eye-opener. It is a very simple and enjoyable read also, and fairly short.
How to Be an Adult in Relationships
This one is a little more advanced.
The book discusses the importance of mindfulness and self-awareness in maintaining healthy relationships. It emphasizes the need to let go of ego-driven behaviors such as fear, attachment, control, and entitlement to achieve unconditional love.
David Richo, the author, also highlights the importance of accepting disappointments and viewing them as opportunities for growth.
This is one of my most highlighted books of all time. But it does require a certain familiarity with spiritual concepts to get the most out of it. If you are on a path of personal development, you will benefit from this one.
Nonviolent Communication
This content should be taught in school!
Author Marshall Rosenberg has developed a simple framework and script to follow in any difficult conversation you are meant to have. It will teach you how to properly listen to your loved ones, ask pertinent questions that will make them feel loved and supported, and ask for your needs to be met in a loving and effective way.
I have applied this technique rigorously ever since reading this book and I saw a complete transformation in all my relationships. It’s also a book that I will keep rereading every few years because its teachings are always worth revisiting.
If you struggle to be heard, have your boundaries respected or have your needs met, this one is the first one I would get.
Radical Acceptance
There will be a time in every relationship where you will experiment something you utterly dislike. Some disrespectful comment, treachery, some perceived wrongs. How do you get over what seems unforgivable?
According to my mentor Hal Elrod, suffering is created when you resist life being exactly as it is. And the way to emotional well-being and freedom is acceptance. This is what this book is about. Accepting life exactly as it is, and freeing your heart from hurt and resentment.
I have to admit that I read and reread this powerful, short book, and I have yet to live in perfect acceptance. I still struggle with resentment, wanting to be right, and wanting to change how others treat me. When these feelings bubble up, I know it’s time to pick up the book yet again and strive for radical acceptance.
How to Be The Love You Seek
This book has just come out in late November of last year.
Author Nicole LePera is a superstar on Instagram where she shares practical wisdom on relationships, nervous system regulation and trauma recovery, with a community of close to 8M followers.
How to Be The Love You Seek is a guide on how to transform your relationships by first transforming yourself. It emphasizes the need for self-care, nervous system regulation, and understanding our emotional needs.
It also encourages to shift our perspective of loved ones we might consider difficult and find ways to appreciate them as they are, while expressing our personal boundaries with respect.
I was mostly interested in this book as it contains the most exhaustive and simple explanation of how to regulate the vagus nerve, a bodily function that influences our various stress responses, the famous fight-flight-freeze and fawn, which play a huge part in how we handle conflicts in relationships.
The importance of relationships in our wellbeing
According to numerous studies, satisfying social connections not only contribute to happiness but are also linked to better health outcomes and even extended life expectancy. The most prevalent being the Harvard Study of Adult Development, spanning nearly 80 years, which determined that the most important predictor of a long and happy life is the strong ties we form with our loved ones, before IQ, economic class, or even genes.
My challenge for you this week is to choose one book mentioned above and pick up a copy. Read 5 pages a day for the next 30 days and implement one thing you learn from the book each week. You’ll notice your relationships flourishing just from applying what you’ve learned. You’ll be amazed at the results!
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